"Kick in the 'Dore Wavin the Four-Four" - The Notorious B.I.G.
It's been a couple hundred days since there was last a football game involving Northwestern. That's all about to change, I think, so, time to do some predictin... AFTER THE JUMP! (Yeah, I've decided to get rid of even the pretense that there are interesting things before the jump.)
Sherrick McManis Memorial Picks, Week One
Welcome to this year of the newly-renamed Sherrick McManis memorial picks - where I tell you who I think is going to win, so you can rip me off for our pick em league which I have every intention in the world of winning. (In the future I might consider asking whoever is currently winning to make the picks for the week - we'll see if people are down for that.)
For those of you who need a refresher, we have picks (not against the spread), mascot fights, and when the time calls for it, my wild guesses as to what the team name of the out-of-conference opponent is. Unfortunately, we don't need that this week - I'm 11-0 in my ability to know the name of the opposing school's mascot this week.
Picks.... after the jump! (and feel free to jump in and say whatever you feel like.)
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRDS: A Few Quick Questions for Anchor of Gold
I like asking opposing bloggers questions. It is easier than writing posts myself. So I e-sat down with my SB Nation counterpart, KingJamesIV from Anchor of Gold.
Picks post later - for those of you wondering, slicetheposts.blogspot.com is still available.
Playing Creighton and Other Me Returning From a Trip Sips
A lot of stuff went down while I was away. I'm going to be honest: I haven't caught up to any of the other Northwestern blogs, I've just scanned around, so, if I'm repeating something you've read elsewhere, sorry.
- First, and most importantly: you have until Saturday afternoon to join the Sippin on Purple pickem league. It's just for Big Ten games, and doesn't include tonight's games to give you some warmup time. By my count, we now have 30 entries, but competition breeds skill. As noted, the prizes are as follows: a free post on whatever topic you like, and a Sippin on Purple DIY Purple Drank kit, featuring a bottle of Sprite and a bag of Jolly Ranchers. (Illicit drugs not included, nor do we condone the usage of them.) So sign up! I won't feel good about winning unless I beat a lot of you.
- The two-deep for the Vandy game came out. key points:
- Arby Fields was supposedly NU's starting running back, but, well, now he's listed as a co-starter with Jacob Schmidt and Stephen Simmons. The running back situation is brutal - I'm not sure if this is meant to instill competition, but I'd be much more comfortable giving certain guys trials in a starting role than giving a whole host of guys a few downs a game. This whole situation is unseemly.
- Venric Mark cracking the two-deep at wide receiver! Yeah buddy!
- Bryce McNaul beat out Ben Johnson for the starting spot at weak-side linebacker, meaning Ben Johnson is apparently relegated to backing up Quentin Davie - not sure if this is just the upshot of the injury to Roderick Goodlow or something permanent.
- Justan Vaughn is officially a starting corner.
- With David Arnold injured, Mike Bolden is out of the running at cornerback - he'll be backing up at safety, with Jeravin Matthews now looking likely to be somewhere in the cornerback game.
- Punt return is listed as Hunter Bates or Venric Mark. I picture Venric doing it, considering he's everybody's favorite person. Stephen Simmons and Scott Concannon are listed as the kick return guys - I can live with that. Stephen's our best returner, and Concannon's going to be as good a blocker as Jacob Schmidt, plus he's a bit faster.
- THERE'S A POSITION BATTLE AT LONG SNAPPER! THERE'S AN "OR" BETWEEN THE STARTER AND THE BACKUP! LONG SNAPPER CONTROVERSY IN EVANSTON! ALERT SPORTSCENTER!
- So that's our depth chart.
- New uniforms! We saw a photo of them - they look great. Sadly, they weren't wearing shoulder pads so you can't really enjoy the Northwestern stripes - it looks all baggy. I'm sure they'll look great in person on Saturday. (I'm rubbing it in at this point.)
- Basketball news! @Zachaaryperry alerted me (while I was on vacation) to the fact that Northwestern will play Creighton at home this season. We now know of three out-of-conference games: Creighton, and two out of St. John's, Davidson, and a third school at Madison Square Garden. I suspect we'll hear more soon - not shaping up badly, though, doesn't look like RPI murder like last year. (Sadly, Creighton star P'Allen Stinnett will not be with the Bluejays when they come to Welsh-Ryan. Pity, as I'm quite a fan.
- Also, the team is in Italy. You can read all the player blogs and game recaps on the NU website - sounds really, really, cool, and good to see that John Shurna is womping on lower-level Italian competition. (7-7 from three-point range? Jesus.) JerShon Cobb is having a rough patch, but he's just starting, and brought down seven boards in one game, so there's that.
- The division chatter has fallen, and I can only think of one thing... this whole thing greatly increases our pipe dream probability of one day smelling roses. Think: is it harder to be the best out of 12 teams? Or to be the best out of six, and then win one more game? Bring it on, Michigan, Nebraska, Iowa, Michigan State, and Minnesota.
- Charlie Goro needs some help in the Name of the Week poll. This makes me sad.
- With football season two days away, we've updated Coach Fitz's intense-o-meter: he is an 8.2, signifying the movie "Volcano" starring Tommy Lee Jones, Anne Heche, and Don Cheadle.
Northwestern's Division, 2011/2012 Schedules Released
So it's official: Northwestern will be in an as-of-yet unnamed division with Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Iowa, and Nebraska.
- In our first two years, we'll skip Ohio State - meaning the class of 2013 will graduate college without ever having seen the Buckeyes play the Wildcats, which is a real shame for kids who love seeing their team lose violently in football. I certainly won't miss them - as I'll always say, Ohio State is the one school whose name I see and it makes my bowels loosen a bit, in both basketball and football. I've seen too many terrifying things happen to Northwestern teams in too little time.
- We'll also miss Purdue - the first time we'll have a season without them since they became our "permanent rival" - and Wisconsin, who were a pretty decent opponent to have if you ask me.
- The Illinois game appears to be protected, and will close the 2012 season.
- Northwestern's game against Rice next year, currently scheduled for November 26th, will have to be moved, most likely to November 12th - you'd have to assume NU will want the game in the middle of the cold winter Rice won't particularly be used to. No other non-con games will be affected.
- We'll travel to Nebraska in 2011 - they'll visit us in 2012.
- Northwestern will have two straight years with bye weeks in November, which is good for enemies of the cold.
The divisions are still as-of-yet unnamed - obviously, suggestions are welcome. (That's what the comments are for.)
AHHHHHHHHHHH BIG TEN DIVISIONS
I leave town for a week and get back and this happens. Great.
Anyway, looks like we got Michigan, Nebraska, Michigan State, Iowa, and Minnesota, with Illinois our likely cross-rival.
First thought: everything works out pretty nicely: it's stupid that we're not in the same division as Illinois, but we still play them every year, and can't complain about the competitive balance in the division.
GO CRAZY.
Update, 4:53 PM: Be sure to check the SBNation pages on the topic: here's the storystream from the homesite, and here's a link that will be updated with all the stories from around the network. Not to toot our own collective horn, but with the fantastic Along the Olentangy now onboard, we have all 11 conference blogs, plus one for Nebraska, as well as Off-Tackle Empire for the whole conference. So there will be lots of discussion on those... 13 sites. Damn.
Consider this your open thread for the revelation show. THE DECISION.
Name of the Week: Vanderbilt Edition
IT'S BACK MOFOS! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES NAMES NAMES NAMES NAMES NAMES.
(As always, apologies to the Name of the Year blog. This isn't meant to be different or funnier than what they do, or even original - it's merely a way to tolerate the boredom of there being four days left until the next game - and giving us people to watch for on the opposing teams.)
We've waited through most of winter. Spring came, with its flowers and showers. Summer scorched our cities, from Ryan Field's brownish grass to my home in New York. Fall is dawning. And here we sit, a day before football season, three before Northwestern's first game. No sport, nothing on this green earth of ours brings the names better than American football. Each week brings us about 100 candidates, and I narrow them down to the best five, and you, the readers, find the best one.
Vanderbilt is a squad with some tremendous last names, but not much in the way of dramatic/poetic given names - a lot of smart dudes with families who knew how to spell things will do that. It's not the deepest name pool, but it'll get us started. First, let's look at who didn't make the cut: wide receiver Andre Hal (double first names always work,), quarterback Jared Funk (if only his first name was more interesting than "Jared" this could've been a competitor), defensive end Theron Kadri, linebacker Fitz Lassing (very, very tempting to put a guy named "Fitz" in the field - couldn't do it) and linebacker Tristan Strong are this weeks runners up.
Now, onto the nominees:
#82, Jameson Sackey: Naming your child after the alcohol you were consuming when they were conceived is a long, storied tradition. And nothing makes a better name than Jameson Irish Whiskey. Furthermore, if you change the "whisk" to "sack", Jameson Irish Whiskey is called Jameson Irish Sackey, which is a great thing. If Sackey was a defensive end primarily involved with tackling the QB behind the line of scrimmage, otherwise known as "sacks", we'd have a winner here, but unfortunately, he's not. I would've appreciated a capitalized "O" a la former Chicago Bull JamesOn Curry, in which case his name might have been pronounced either "Jameson" or "James On". Also, sack is a funny word when said in a non-football contest.
Sackey is a junior walk-on wide receiver who hasn't yet played for Vandy - that likely won't change against Northwestern.
#4, Udom Umoh: Anybody whose initials are "UU" is an automatic shoe-in for a nomination. Also, his first name is very nearly a type of noodle. Umoh was born in Nigeria, which makes his appearance on a college football roster rather impressive.
Udom is a starting wide receiver, one of Vandy's best. He caught 20 passes for 267 yards last year, nabbing a touchdown for the Dores' only points against Ole Miss. He'll be in his starting role on Saturday.
#70, Justin Cabbagestalk: I'm genuinely surprised that "Cabbagestalk" is a real last name for a person and not like a troll or something. First of all, cabbages have stalks? Aren't they just like lettuce? Don't they just kinda grow out of the ground and just be there? Do cabbages really have stalks? Can you climb up them and reach a magical land inhabited by huge giants? The world will never know. Actually, I'm pretty sure many farmers do know, but I for one don't care. Anyway, Cabbagestalk is a pretty sweet compound word to have as your name, unless you don't like when bloggers mention that your name that sounds like a mythical, magical woodland creature from a Harry Potter book. If only his first name was something else magical, like Udom. Udom Cabbagestalk would be a winner.
Cabbagestalk is a backup redshirt freshman center who's never played - he'll probably do most of his stalking on the sidelines.
#59, Adam Smotherman: THE SMOTHERMAN. HE IS A MAN THAT SMOTHERS PEOPLE. AND HE PLAYS DEFENSIVE TACKLE. JESUS.. Another case if a nearly perfect last name that just needed a more awesome first name, like "SUFFOCATEGUY" or "MURDERBOY", because quite frankly, Adam doesn't work. Those would go well with a last name like Smotherman, as does playing defensive tackle, the most smothery position on the field.
Adam is a senior defensive tackle, measuring 6-foot-4 and 295 pounds. (Smother. Man.) He started 11 games as a junior and every game last year, notching 31 tackles - by all rights, he'll be starting up front on Saturday, attempting to smother Northwestern's running backs.
And Vanderbilt had a Secretary named Northwestern...
You know that old wives tale list of coincidences between Kennedy and Lincoln? Well, Vanderbilt sports and Northwestern sports are eerily similar. Good thing we have to play them every year for the next four years in football. (Every year for the next four years? Jesus.)
Northwestern: Ranked No. 12 by the US News and World Report.
Vanderbilt: Ranked No. 17 by the US News and World Report.
Conclusion: We're both smart! NERD FIGHT! What weapon would you use first in a nerd fight? Calculator? Heavy book? I'd smash a graduated cylinder against a table like a beer bottle and come at my opponent threateningly, hoping he shatters his ultra-thick glasses backing off.
Northwestern: The only private school in the Big Ten.
Vanderbilt: The only private school in the SEC.
Conclusion: We're not just nerds, but rich nerds. Crap.
Northwestern: Has only 8,000 students, 12,000 less than the next smallest school in the conference.
Vanderbilt: Has only 6,000 students, 13,000 less than the next smallest school in the conference.
Conclusion: Numbers! Scary!
Northwestern: Has a 49,000 seat stadium - the smallest in the conference - but still never sells it out.
Vanderbilt: Has a 39,000 seat stadium - the smallest in the conference - but still never sells it out.
Conclusion: You see? Not that bad, Ryan Field.
Northwestern: Never won the Big Ten basketball title.
Vanderbilt: Never won the SEC football title.
Conclusion: We both really suck! I'd probably cut off a finger to be the one who was good at basketball and not the one who was occasionally good at football, though.
Northwestern: Currently mired in a 62-year-long bowl drought.
Vanderbilt: Ended a 53-year bowl drought after winning the 2008 Music City Bowl.
Conclusion: CRAP. I HATE THEM AND I HOPE BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO THEM.
Northwestern: If you ask somebody on the street in Chicago, they just might be a bigger fan of an orange-wearing state school than Northwestern.
Vanderbilt: If you ask somebody on the street in Nashville, they just might be a bigger fan of an orange-wearing state school than Northwestern.
Conclusion: Orange is a really ugly color.
Northwestern: The basketball coach at that orange-wearing state school is named Bruce.
Vanderbilt: The basketball coach at that orange-wearing state school is named Bruce.
Conclusion: I just threw this in even though it means absolutely nothing. You might find this fact intriguing if you just smoked up, but, why are you reading Northwestern sports blogs when you're high anyway?
So, I think I've made it pretty clear: THERE IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY AND THEY'RE OUT TO GET US. And we probably should play our creepily similar southern counterparts more often.













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