BRRRR!

My blog is called "The Purple Drank" cuz of my affinity for hip-hop. I gotta write about it sometimes. If you like reading about Northwestern sports, but don't like when I occasionally tangentially link NU sports to hip-hop, even when they do collide as they do in here, I wouldn't blame you if you skip this post.

My excuse for writing about it this time is that I got a theory: sports success is nearly entirely due to music. I'll be explaining this theory more fully in a few weeks, in what will be the best post in the history of this site. But I saw something today that caught my attention.

The lesser part of my theory states that how well you do in part is attributable to the music you listen to. You know how great closers always have great entrance music? You know how that one middle reliever who enters to Creed always has a 5.70 E.R.A.?

This theory is, as of yet, infallible. For example, I've been informed by insider sources I have that Indiana has been blasting the soundtrack to the upcoming Hannah Montana movie in their preseason drills, and I've recently discovered that the reason for NU's 34-game winless streak was in part because several walk-on offensive linemen that were engineering students developed a working time machine, went to the year 2004, and stole a mixtape off an angsty 13-year old's desk containing, but not limited to, System of a Down, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Fall Out Boy, and, for some reason, the song "Doo Doo Head" by Soulja Boi, which is sort of an outlier if you ask me.

Long story short, I've developed an algorithm that allows me to calculate how good a college football team will be based on their practice listening music. And the reason I bring this up is simple: this video, posted by palestra.net.

WE'RE LISTENING TO GUCCI MANE IN PRACTICE?

Yes! At the 51 second mark, Gucci Mane, my favorite current rapper is blaring in the background. (I'm pretty sure those are two separate songs, too.) I wouldn't make a post just based on a 3 second snippet of Gucci though, what prompted this post is the reaction of my new favorite player on the team, senior DT Marshall Thomas, whose urge to yell "I KNOW I LOVE HER" is so strong that he removes his helmet, and then he spends like three seconds Mutombo-wagging at the camera and shaking his head. (Also, for a couple seconds, I thought the dude playing at :12 and :24 was Gucci as well, but, no, that's these jokers, who I've never heard of and after a few listens have decided I never want to hear again.) (Re: the jokers who made that other song who sounded like Gucci Mane a little: Was the "pause" era so short that you can say "swag super cool blowing like a fan" and nobody cares?)

Gucci, for those of you who don't know - most of you, right? - is pretty much the best rapper out there right now, and one of his lyrics provided the inspiration for this sites URL. The song in question is "I Think I Love Her", which, all told, is pretty bad, mainly because it features some girl with a really annoying voice prominently, but Gucci still shines.

Anyway, my point is, I got a theory that states that the music you listen to can determine how well your team will play. Point being: WE'RE GOING TO WIN SEVENTEEN GAMES THIS SEASON. Count em. The algorithm never lies, folks.