Name of the Week: Penn State Edition.

Last week's name of the week polling was a Sippin on Purple low in votes cast, and to say I'm disappointed is a massive understatement. 

Regardless, congratulations to Damarlo Belcher, who carried the vote with a pitiful 12 votes. Despite the low tally, he's still a champion, so good for Mr. Belcher.

On to the names:

First off, the honorable mentions: freshman wide receiver Shawney Kersey, the awkwardly apostrophe'd sophomore tackle DeOn'tae Pannell, freshman cornerback Stephen Obeng-Agyapong, junior wide receiver Graham Zug, and graduate student tackles Ako Poti and Nerraw McCormick, who I'm assuming has a twin brother named "Warren", because there's no other way you'd name a child Nerraw.

And now, the nominees. There are three exceptional names in here, so as always, I think they get better as they go along.

#85, Ollie Ogbu: Ollie's got some good alliteration going on with that o sound at the beginning of both names. Rolls off the tongue. This one is a throwback to Towson's Tamba Tongu.

On the field, Ollie is a junior DT from Staten Island, the fifth borough that's primarily forgotten about by me unless I'm talking about the Wu-Tang Clan, which, unfortunately, I do a lot. Ogbu has played every game in the last two years, and started every game this year, recording 20 tackles, 7.5 for a loss, and a sack on the year.

#54, Matt Stankiewitch: Stankonia. Stanky leg. Stankeiwitch. All great innovations on a word that means "this smells, but I'd like to be slightly cooler in the way that I state that it smells than just saying "it stinks."" I picture a really, really bad sandwich, or a witch that gets all the latest dance trends.

Stankiewich is a redshirt freshman who started the season's first two games at left guard, and hasn't played since.

#21, Tariq Tongue: Here's where the great Nittany Lion names begin. Tariq Tongue has a lot going for it, and he's probably win most weeks. I mean, you've got the alliteration, the Arabic first name contrasted with the English last name, and the fact that said last name is one of the top five silliest organs in the human body. You've got a q without a u after it, and like Ollie Ogbu, it just rolls off the tongue. Sorry, it rolls of the Tariq Tongue. 

Tariq is a freshman wide receiver from Queens (NEW YORRRRRRRRK SOMETHING SOMETHING WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OF, SOMETHING INSPIRES YOU, SOMETHING NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK) who is redshirting this year. By the way, Joe Pa really cleans up in recruiting the NYC market: I count six people who, like myself, are world's greatest.

#4, Knowledge Timmons: KNOWLEDGE. HIS FIRST NAME IS KNOWLEDGE. 

Knowledge is a junior cornerback, he recorded his first pick last year against Temple, and started the first six games of the year this year, but is listed at #2 on the depth chart heading into the Saturday's game.

 

and my pick for the winner....

 

#34, Christian Kuntz: Look, people, this is a family site. I don't put words that will startle the children in most of my posts, unless I'm quoting someone. So I'm not going to go into the precise details of why someone's last name being Kuntz is tremendously unfortunate for that human being. But I think you all understand why.

Now, think about how humorous it is to have a name like Kuntz. Think about how much more humorous it is that Kuntz's first name denotes the Christianity of said Kuntz. Ahh yes, Christian Kuntz. The most pious Kuntz in all the land. (mark this post down under "posts that will probably come back to haunt me some day later.") Anyway, we're talking about multiple Kuntz, and talking about how much they revere Jesus. This is what your name is. I mean, it's a step up from Rusty, but it's a baby step.

Christian is a freshman wide receiver, and like Tariq Tongue, is redshirting. This is your space for making Tongue-Kuntz jokes. Go ahead. But remember that since it's Christian Kuntz, you might have to hold off until he's married.

 

So, these are the names. Let your voice be heard.

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