Tuition Tuesdays: Vanderkilled.

Me taking four midterms in three days. Me no have time to come up with funny pun headlines, nor time to post posts titled "Tuition Tuesdays" on Tuesday. 

Point being, I WILL RUN THIS WEBSITE INTO THE GROUND WITH MY PASSION FOR TERRIBLE PUNS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO SO DEAL WITH IT.

Do it to it!

Lacrosse: For the first time in the illustrious history of me writing about women's lacrosse on this blog, the Northwestern women's lacrosse team won! This fact is all the more impressive when you consider that they're 41 of their last 42. A week after losing their first game since the Bush administration, a simpler time, when Ke$ha was merely a non-famous slutty person, NU had No. 8 Vanderbilt on the docket with the ALC regular season crown on the line, and, well, HULK SMASH. Presumably, the Cats were mad, because they won 27-9, setting a record for most goals since Kelly Amonte Hiller became head coach, which is another impressive fact, considering she's won five consecutive national titles in her time here. I can only imagine the horrible things that happened in women's lacrosse practices this week that motivated a team of overwhemlingly motivated national champions to decide to slaughter every Commodore they came across. 

They finish off their regular season docket this weekend against Virginia Friday and Florida on Sunday afternoon - should be a nice way to spend a Sunday, if you're into dominant performances with lakeside views. 

Baseball: I'm nothing if not concerned for the well-being of my readers, so have a seat while reading this. On second thought, I'm more concerned for the briefs-cleanliness of my readers, so stand back up, go to the bathroom, and make sure you don't have anything waiting to pounce up in there, because this one is a doozy: Northwestern baseball is tied for first place in the Big Ten. Boxers still clean? Alright, let's go. NU went to Purdue in a matchup of 5-4 teams, and won two of three, their third consecutive series victory, to enter into a four way tie for first between NU, OSU, Michigan, and MSU. The loss was a 2-1 complete game loss for Eric Jokisch, where NU's tying run was thrown out trying to steal second in the ninth, the other two were 7-5 and 6-3 wins aided by the bats of Hamilton Wise and Chad Noble, respectively. 

Noble, it should be noted, was named to the Johnny Bench Award watch list for the best catchers in the nation, a statement which is disturbingly "delivered by Papa John's" according to NUsports.com. Noble is leading the team with a .392 batting average and has thrown out 46 percent of baserunners trying to steal. He's good. 

NU plays a double-header with UW-Milwaukee today at Miller Park, but this team has decided to be sorta apathetic towards midweek games, so I'd be surprised if any of their real pitchers throw. This is the best 15-23 team in the world for a reason: they've apparently been saving the good stuff for the conference season, which continues at Illinois, who aren't in first place, with another three-game set this weekend. 

Softball: The Cats were supposed to play a two-game set at Indiana, but it rained, so they played six innings of one game, and earned a 7-6 victory. So that's nice. They scored six of those seven runs in one inning, so, pretty much the least work in a weekend for a softball team you could imagine. Nicole Pauly was named the Big Ten Player of the Week for hitting a pair of home runs last Wednesday against Michigan State, as well as one more against Indiana, so apparently the balloters did not consider the rain-shortened thing to make anything any less impressive. 

They play UIC at home Thursday, and host Penn State both days this weekend.

Women's Tennis: Everybody associated with women's tennis was probably freaking out, because they lost a Big Ten matchup for the first time in five years a few weeks ago, potentially putting their streak of ten consecutive conference titles in jeopardy. If the past few weeks are any indication, they'll be alright, having won all four meets, losing only three matchups out of a possible 28. This weekend, they swept Penn State 7-0 and beat Ohio State 5-2. They're No. 6 in the country, but only No. 2 in the conference - we'll see if they can win an 11th straight next weekend at Iowa in the Big Ten championships. If they don't, somebody will get mad and cry. It won't be me, though, I swear.

Men's Tennis:Same scenario, except everything is different, because they lost twice, 6-1 to Ohio State and 4-3 to Penn State, and haven't won 11 straight conference titles, aren't ranked, and won't be one of the favorites to win at next week's conference championships.

Golfs: After finishing sixth in the Big Ten tournament, las chicas qualified for the NCAA tournament, which has 72 teams (Expansion: IT'S HAPPENING BEFORE OUR VERY FRIGGIN EYES), although I'm pretty sure golf tournaments aren't elimination style, because that would take decades just to get to the elite eight. The men's team has their Big Ten tournament this week. 

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