YEAH I GOT GIFS SON DEAL WITH IT, NORTHWESTERN SPORTS BOUT TO GO ALL MACDUFF ON YOUR PUNK SPORTING ASSES, THE IMPLICATION BEING THAT WE'LL MURDER YOU, PUNKS

Anyway, now that I'm done speaking in all caps, let's get to my point: NU sports done gone all Scottish in two ways today, so get your kilts fitted, head to your favorite haggis joint, and ready your Fat Bastard impression. (I'm out.)

First off: today, at the Old Course at St. Andrews, Northwestern junior golfer Eric Chun will be teeing off to start the first round. He hits the links at 8:30 Central time - 1:30 PM, Scottish time - alongside former Masters winner Zach Johnson and Martin Kaymer. If I'm not mistaken, the entire thing will be on ESPN3.com, or you can follow Eric's progress towards imminent victory on the scoreboard here. Some famous players are apparently playing alongside Chun, such as every famous golfer in the world, so, if you have a favorite golfer, prepare to abandon them for Chun. The odds are stacked against Chun - only three amateur golfers have won the Open, and none since 1930. (The most notable: Bobby Jones, who did it three times.) This means that your bets on Chun to win will likely pay off well when he inevitably becomes the first Northwestern golfer to win since THE HISTORY OF TIME, although, I just looked it up, and it's actually impossible to bet on Eric Chun to win the British Open, although you can bet on him to be the top Amateur (9/2 odds) him to win his threesome today (8/1 odds) or on an amateur to win the Open (250/1 odds), so, get betting, you degenerate gamblers you!

(of course, Northwestern alum and PGA Tour resident Luke Donald is also participating in the Championship, so, yeah, go him.)

Secondly, Alex Marcotullio, who, according to FIBA, is a Scotland native, has been repping the UK in the FIBA Europe U-20 B Division championships. In depressing news,  the end goal of the tournament is an opportunity to get promoted into the FIBA Europe U-20 A Division, where they would play teams like Montenegro and Slovenia instead of countries like Israel and Georgia. In a warm-up game, Marcotullio dropped 21 in a victory against Norway (SCREW YOU, NORWAY, SCREW YOU AND YOUR GRAVLAX) as well as nine against Denmark (SCREW YOU, DENMARK, SCREW YOU AND YOUR HOMICIDAL PRINCES) (PS: peep my new internet video, twoshakesperarereferencesonepost.com). The actual B Division tournament kicked off yesterday against... those Danish bastards again! (SCREW YOU, DENMARK, SCREW YOU AND YOUR CHEESE FILLED PASTRIES) Marcotullio got the start and put in eight points in a 79-65 victory over those foolish Danes (on 3/8 shooting). He appears to be the same gunner as ever, shooting a team-high seven threes, nice to see he got three steals. And clearly his passing improved, because he managed to earn an eight-way tie for the lead in assists, with one. Next, Marcotullio and the Brits will take on Austria (SCREW YOU, AUSTRIA, SCREW YOU AND YOUR VIENNA FINGERS) tomorrow, so, get pumped for that, check here for results, although, you know I'll be covering it here.