Name of the Week: Central Michigan Edition

Yeah yeah yeah I normally post this Wednesday mornings and it's Thursday after you left work but deal with it. 

Great, great crop of names this week - arguably the strongest class of the year. I was a little bit more rigorous this week, and there are no more oversights like last weeks Kramer Lucio disaster. (By the way, congrats to Brent Hotard - THE HOE-TARD - for bringin home the W in runaway fashion.) This week's honorable mentions include linebacker Shamari Benton (because his name is Shamari), cornerback LaVarus Williams (because his name is LaVarus), and linebacker Kevin Sweet (because the first time I saw it I somehow thought his name was Keith Sweat.) Now let's meet the nominees... after the jump!

(Although you could vote before the jump, but that's no fun.)

#99, Caesar Rodriguez: HAIL CAESAR! Rodriguez. 

The Caesar started the first game against Hampton and recorded two sacks, but now he's a backup. He'll see time at defensive end against the Cats, but the sophomore has been replaced in the starting role.

#34, Zurlon Tipton: I can't decide if Zurlon Tipton is either a evil alien from a mid-80's Star Trek ripoff movie or a lesser figure in early Mormon history. Sadly, I'm not an expert in Mormon history, and happily, I'm not a huge nerd and a loser so I've never seen any of the Star Trek movies (sorry to any of my nerd/loser readers.)

Zurlon is a depth chart running back, who as a sophomore has only seen career action twice: against Alcorn State as a freshman - when he injured himself and missed the rest of the season, and last week against Eastern Michigan, where he trampled some Eagles, running for 54 yards on 11 carries and busting out a touchdown.

#58, Leterrius Walton: You know how Bill Walton has three kids, and one of them is Luke, a relatively successful NBA player, and the other two occasionally show up in Luke Walton related puff pieces but otherwise are wildly unsuccessful and huge let-downs? My point is, I could totally see Bill also having an illegitimate child named Leterrius because he thought "Leterrius" was an adjective and used it in a telecast once only to not have anybody know what he was talking about.

Leterrius is a true freshman defensive end, he won't play against Northwestern.

#6, Paris Cotton: Two nice things. Paris - romantic and whatnot, they speak french - and cotton - which is fluffy. You really can't go wrong. Actually, you can: by naming your child "Paris Cotton".

and my pick for the winner...

#88, Valtorrey Showers: This is a blockbuster name. First off, it's one of these great names that manages to be a sentence. And the key to that sentence is, "who the hell is Valtorrey?" I genuinely cannot tell. Is it a young girl named Valerie who goes by Val to her friends and a young girl named Victoria who goes by Tory to her friends? Is it a space alien that hangs out with Zurlon Tipton? Why is Valtorrey so damn dirty in the first place? These are questions I'd like to know the answers to - I'll ask Valtorrey when he gets out of the shower. I mean, when it gets out of the shower.

Valtorrey is a sophomore backup WR - he's played in games but never caught a pass.