Name of the Week: Iowa Edition

The parents of many players on Iowa's football team decided to give their children names. This way, people can refer to them and not get confused as to who they are referring. This is a wise tactic that probably helps the Iowa Hawkeyes both on and off the field. 

Congrats to Martavious Odoms for running away with one of the largest margins of victory in poll history, picking up a whopping 124 votes with the next closest option Justice Hayes at 32. It was a massacre. Don't hurt em, Marty!

Iowa's honorable mentions include perennial sleeper pick Collin Sleeper, defensive lineman LeBron Daniel, who is cursed with being from Cleveland and being named "LeBron" and having a first name for a last name but not being LeBron James - I kinda hope he transfers and people start burning their LeBron Daniel jerseys in the streets of Iowa City - and offensive lineman Tommy Gaul, because WHO DOESN'T LOVE A JOKE ABOUT ROMAN NAMES FOR TERRITORIES Y'ALL THAT'S ALMOST AS FUNNY AS IF HIS NAME WAS IBERIA OR LUSITANIA DAWG LOL CITY USA POPULATION EVERYBODY, also, linebacker Shane DiBona, because haha boners.

I have a lot of trouble deciding whether my favorite House of Pain song is "Jump Around" or, you know... well... uh... this is awkward. My point is, jump.

No. 47, Dakota Getz: People whose names are sentences! Dakota Getz four senators even though there are only eight people there, also it's two states. Dakota Getz the majority of it's money from people who want to look at a bunch of dudes heads carved into a friggin mountain. (Why don't people talk about how dumb this is more often?)

Dakota gets moved from tight end to linebacker. Dakota gets to not play. Dakota gets to be a sophomore.

No. 87, Jake Duzey: HIS NAME IS A DOOZY Y'ALL LOL CITY USA POPULATION EVERYBODY PLUS ONE. 

Duzey is a freshman tight end. He ain't play yet. 

No. 91, Broderick Binns: Take it away, me last year!

 I only saw one of the Lord of the Rings movies, so I can neither confirm nor deny that there were black hobbits. But if there was one, his name woulda been Broderick Binns. I have no doubt in my mind that this is true and nothing will ever prevent me from thinking otherwise. Sick alliteration, bro. I mean, Bro-derick.

Brod is a starter at defensive end, and not a particularly bad one neither. Phil Steele named him second-team Big Ten going into the year and he has one sack and two pass breakups. 

No. 25, Mika'il McCall: Woah boy. 

Northwestern offensive coordinator Mick McCall has always been mad. Mad at being named Mick McCall. He could change his name, but he wears it as a badge of the horrors he's had to go through. First off, "Mick" is not only a bad name to have, but it's also the first sound in the name "McCall". This makes him mad enough that he spends most of his time traveling the country, showing up unannounced at various maternity wards. (They know him at this point.) He shows up and asks the nice lady at the desk if any of the recently born children are of the last name "McCall". He rarely comes away successful. 

But when he does, his face lights up. Because you see, he has a list of names that are less fortunate to have with the last name "McCall" than Mick. The list is precisely one name long. It is "Mika'il." A name best suited for Russian presidents, with a completely random apostrophe just thrown in there. Mick tells the mothers of these newborns his story, and tells them that if they don't name their child "Mika'il", he will haunt them forever and ever and ever and ever. This happened to Mika'il McCall. He is not Russian or Irish. He's just a guy who got born on the wrong side of Mick McCall's vengeance.

Mika'il is a true freshman running back who played in the team's first game, pumping out nine rushes for over 60 yards, but suffered a season-ending injury. 

No. 7, Marvin McNutt: This name just makes me giggle. 

McNutt is an all-Big Ten wide receiver - he leads the team in yards, receptions, and touchdowns.