Name of the Week: Nebraska Edition

Y'all gon make me lose my mind! Up in here! Up in here. 

A melancholy congrats goes to Damarlo Belcher for squeezing by with a 29-28 victory over Chase Hoobler. Sadly, it was Belcher's last semi-official act as a Hoosier: the senior was kicked off the team yesterday for violating team rules, leaving him in second place on the team's all-time receptions list. I hope that the victory in the name poll is some consolation.

Nebraska has an almost freaky dedication to having children with normal names. On a college football squad, other than a LeVonte and a Jermarcus, almost every name is a name that you can find in a baby book. That's insanity in 2011. The last names are catchy as hell, though. Runners-up include Broderick Boehm and Brodrick Nickens (shout-out to Broderick Binns!), junior linebacker Micah Kreikemeier, freshman linebacker Jack Gangwish, junior tight end Kyler Reed - who like Army's Kyler Martin, falls somewhere between "Kyle" and "Kylest" on the chart of "most Kyle" - and sophomore fullback C.J. Zimmerer, who is like Don Zimmer but better.

Names after the jump!

No. 26, Tyler Wullenwaber: Wullenwaber! 

Walk-on wide receiver Wullenwaber once wasted weird werewolves when we wore wooly wooden wardrobes crap let me start over

Wullenwaber is a walk-on wide receiver who as a redshirt freshman, has yet to see any playing time.

No. 22, Derek Slaughter: Derek is the most timid name this side of "Neil" and "Todd" and yet his last name is "SLAUGHTER" (finishes guitar solo) (smashes guitar) (kills people) I like to imagine him as a certified public accountant who every once in a while hacks somebody in his office to death with a chainsaw.

Derek is a walk-on freshman linebacker who has yet to murder anybody on or off the field.

No. 76, Brent Qvale: You got a Q-consonant last name, you're getting in the name of the week poll. I'm sure what you're all wondering is whether Brent is the younger brother of Brian Qvale, who you hopefully don't remember as the starting center of the Montana Grizzlies squad that made the NCAA Tournament in 2010 on the strength of 34 second-half points by Anthony Johnson in the Big Sky tournament final. The answer is: yes, he is. If you're looking for a pronunciation guide, it rhymes with "Wale", as in, they keep sayin "quail" but my name "Qvale". 

Qvall-e is a sophomore who has seen ample time as a backup right guard.

No. 75, Luke Lingenfelter: Alliteration, plus, "Lingenfelter" is German for "molestation". 

LL Cool Felter is a senior offensive lineman who hasn't cracked the depth chart.

No. 11, Curenski Gilleyen: In other "not a person name" news, Curenski Gilleyen is not a football player. He is a mad scientist who spends most of his days pouring potions into beakers and cackling while trying to implant a dog's brain into a monkey's head in his east Prussian castle. He is also undead. 

Curenski played wide receiver for the first three years of his time at Nebraska, but is now a running back who isn't on the depth chart and has yet to record a stat. He had a 51-yard receiving touchdown against FAU a few years ago, if that means anything to you.