I'm Not A Degenerate, I Just Gamble A Lot, Week 13: THE RETURN OF THE LUNDY

IT'S THE RETURN OF THE LUNDY
I'M A MAN LIKE MIKE GUNDY
SLAYIN' BITCHES LIKE TED BUNDY
WITH POCKETS DEEPER THAN THE BAY OF FUNDY

That's right, it's the triumphant return. I have no idea what my season profit is, I stopped keeping track a while ago. Being a degenerate gambler is kind of like being an alcoholic; when you first start drinking you know exactly how many beverages you've had in a given night, but after a while you stop keeping track and set out to get drunk. Same deal with gambling, only "responsible adults" keep track.

Friday

Iowa Hawkeyes at #21 Nebraska Cornhuskers (-9.5), 11 AM central, ABC

Nebraska is overrated, Iowa almost never gets blown out, Hawkeyes make this a game for sure.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

#3 Arkansas Razorbacks at #1 LSU Tigers (-12), 1:30 PM central, CBS

Two words: Joe Adams

Ok, a few more words. What this line tells us more than anything is how big a gap there is between LSU and Alabama and rest of the country: Arkansas is the third ranked team and they are huge underdogs. Look, I'm not thrilled about a rematch either, but put someone besides Alabama against LSU (assuming they stay undefeated) and it would likely be an ass kicking. 

Same deal here: LSU in a blowout. Never bet against the Hat.

Bet Size: 5 Lundys

Boston College Eagles at Miami Hurricanes (-14), 2:30 PM central, ABC

Oh great, get ready for about 8000 replays of the Glorified Midget's Hail Mary from back in the day. You'd have to pay me numerous Lundys to watch this dumpster fire.

Saturday

#14 Michigan St. Spartans at Northwestern Wildcats (+6.5), 11 AM central, BTN

I've got no real logic for this one, but we're overdue for a SPARTY NOOOOOO moment. Plus, the Wizgerald has yet to win a game he had no business winning this season, and he's good for at least one of those per season.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Ohio St. Buckeyes at #15 Michigan Wolverines, 11 AM central, ABC

Hokemania, folks. Believe it. Michigan avenges years of futility and runs it up mercilessly.

Bet Size: 5 Lundys

#2 Alabama Crimson Tide at #24 Auburn Tigers (+20.5), 2:30 central, CBS

Wait, Auburn is still ranked? Alabama is going to Danza slap Auburn from the opening kickoff. 

Bet Size: 4 Lundys

#19 Penn St. Nittany Lions at #16 Wisconsin Badgers (-14.5), 2:30 central, ESPN

Penn State has been squeaking by all season, and now they finally have to go on the road against a good team. I don't even want to think about all the offensive chants we'll hear from the Badger students: I wouldn't be shocked if they play ice cream truck music as Penn State comes out of the tunnel. Wisconsin in a rout.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

Purdue Boilermakers at Indiana Hoosiers (+7.5), 2:30 central, BTN

Part of me thinks Indiana could pull the upset here, but the other half of me has seen Indiana attempt to play football. Plus, Purdue needs this game a hell of a lot more than Indiana.

Bet Size: 1 Lundy

Illinois Fighting Illini at Minnesota Golden Gophers (+10.5), 2:30 central, BTN

I swore off betting Minnesota weeks ago, but they've covered the spread almost every week since then, not to mention Ron Zook is dead coach walking. I'm almost tempted to take the Gophers to win outright, but just to be safe I'll take the 10.5 points and watch Zook call for some #PuntToWin's.

Bet Size: 5 Lundys

#22 Notre Dame Fighting Irish at #6 Stanford Cardinal (-7), 7 central, ABC

Been saying it all season, but the general public has been underrating the Irish, and they could well win this, or at the very least keep it close.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

Tulane Green Wave at Hawaii Warriors (-16.5), 10 PM central, ESPN3.com

I only included this game because of allegations that Hawaii has been shaving points. In the spirit of the great Dennis Lundy, we will recognize anyone brazen enough to take money in exchange for losing, so way to go, Hawaii. Memo to the NCAA: if you actually paid the players a small percentage of the billions in revenue you make off their backs, you wouldn't have to worry about stuff like this. Aloha, Tulane.

Bet Size: 1 Lundy on Hawaii.

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