OK, suffering minions. I just had an epiphany as I watched the Oregon State Beavers upset the 20th-ranked, and much more talented, Washington Huskies, in Corvallis. The Wildcats' next coach should be none other than the president's brother-in-law, one Craig M. Robinson.
He's perfect: Smart. Relatively young. Played at Princeton, so knows the offense and uses it at OSU. Assisted at NU for four years, so knows the unique challenges. Coached at Brown, so knows how to recruit and handle smart, athletically disadvantaged players. Terrific defensive mentor. Most importantly: grew up on the South Side of Chicago (Mount Carmel H.S.) and should be able to connect with and recruit Chicagoland talent much better than Sour Bill.
He can't possibly like the cowtown he's in now, so he should be easy pluckin'.
If nothing else, we'll get a few more butts in the seats -- his Secret Service detail.