"YEAHHHHHHHHHHH HAPPY THI- Wait. It's the fourth? Fourth? July Fourth? Crap."

Murica is the greatest country on earth. I'm the kid of an immigrant - political refugee, technically! - and I'm sitting here writing a blog about the college football and college basketball teams - two great sports only found in America - at my mad good school which I totally don't deserve to go to. Today, I'm chilling out in my apartment and thought it would be moderately funny to write a blatantly xenophobic post that imagines a smart, talented Serb, who came here to earn his degree at the aforementioned really good school, misunderstanding our nation's holidays.

If that's not the American dream, I don't know what is.

I'm also totes not posting tomorrow, because if I did it post on July 4th, it would be a sign I hate my country. Which I don't, because this is America.

Enjoy your fourths of July - and your thirds too, whatever floats your boat - and never forget that Canada sucks. Back to regularly scheduled Northwestern programming Tuesday.