I'm Not A Degenerate, I Just Gamble A Lot: Week 1

I'm Not A Degenerate, I Just Gamble A Lot is Sippin' On Purple's weekly discussion of college football point spreads, and by college football, we mean Big Ten games plus other national games of interest. All suggested wagers are for entertainment purposes only. All lines courtesy of 5Dimes.com, all times are central time.

Thursday

UNLV at #11 Wisconsin (-35), 7 PM, ESPN

Whenever the line is this massive, your bet basically comes down to the better team's willingness to bury an over-matched opponent. And in this case, we're talking about Bret "The card made me do it" Bielema. Wisconsin early and often.

Bet size: 3 Lundys

Kentucky vs. Western Kentucky (+18), 8:15 PM, ESPNU

Live, from LP Field in Nashville, it's our old friends the Hilltoppers! And somehow they're only 18 point underdogs against an SEC team! How far they've come since their lengthy losing streak. So we'll throw a small sentimental wager their way, even though they have the worst mascot of all time. That poor cheerleader looks like she's about to be eaten alive.

Bet size: 1 Lundy

Friday

Youngstown State at #17 Michigan State (-34), 6:30 PM, BTN

My life is at the point where I'm planning to watch part of this game. I'm not proud. Fortunately, I'm not quite at the point where I plan to gamble on this debacle.

#14 TCU at Baylor (+4.5), 7 PM, ESPN

The first interesting game of the weekend. TCU loses a ton from last year's undefeated team, and will have trouble containing darkhorse Heisman candidate Robert Griffin III. Go Baylor here.

Bet size: 2 Lundys

Saturday

Northwestern at Boston College (-3), 11 AM, ESPNU

We'll cover this more tomorrow, but the smart money shouldn't be anywhere near Kain Colter against one of the nation's best run defense. Luke Kuechly is going to pull a J.J. Watt on him, or a Kyle Vanden Bosch for the older NU fans.

Bet size: 3 Lundys

Tennessee Tech at Iowa (-40.5), 11 AM, BTN

Tennessee Tech on general principle.

Bet size: 1 Lundy

Akron at #18 Ohio State (-34.5), 11 AM, ESPN

I will never cease to be amused by Ohio State fans and media hacks who blamed Terrelle Pryor for the NCAA scandal and defended Jim Tressel. Pryor, along with a bunch of his teammates, accepted free stuff (and what 20 year old wouldn't?), while Tressel lied to the NCAA multiple times despite hard evidence against him. All Tressel had to do was report the violations and he and Pryor would both still be there. It's truly amazing how someone's public image plays a larger role in the media narrative than the actual facts.

As for the game, Akron really really sucks, and the non-suspended Buckeyes will be looking to prove a point. Bet Ohio State here.

Bet size: 2 Lundys

Indiana State at Penn State (-37), 11 AM, BTN

Sycamores!

That's all I got.

Middle Tennessee State at Purdue (-17), 11 AM, BTN

I've seen some people picking Purdue to lose here. I know Purdue sucks, but I don't think they suck that bad. That said, 17 points is too many to give, take the Blue Raiders.

Bet size: 1 Lundy

Arkansas State at Illinois (-21), 2:30 PM, BTN

I took this quiz on Sporcle a few days ago, and Arkansas State was one of the few nicknames I didn't know.

As for the game, always bet against Ron Zook when you're getting three touchdowns.

Bet size: 2 Lundys

Western MIchigan at Michigan (-13.5), 2:30 PM, ESPN2

Only 13.5, is Western Michigan not that bad or something? I'm going with no, although some idiots think their QB is better than Denard. Child please, Denard puts up 400 total yards easy, Michigan in a blowout.

Bet size: 3 Lundys

Minnesota at #25 USC (-23.5), 2:30 PM, ABC

Minnesota actually managed to not suck that much after Brewster got fired, and now with Adam Weber finally gone, Minnesota might not suck quite as bad as usual. I can't imagine USC is three and a half TDs better than them, at any rate.

Bet size: 3 Lundys

Chattanooga at #10 Nebraska (-36), 2:30 PM, BTN

The Mocs! Johnny Taylor!

I got nothing else. Major props to anyone who remembers Johnny Taylor.

Indiana vs. Ball State (+6), 6 PM, ESPN3.com

I'm sure this will be a packed house at Lucas Oil Field.

#5 Boise State vs. #19 Georgia (+3.5), 7 PM, ESPN

Look, I know Boise State has really annoying fans who have no concept of reality, but the bottom line is Boise is really damn good. In the last four years they've been the Big 12 champions, the Pac 10 champions, the ACC champions, and undefeated TCU. And oh yeah, they've still got Kellen Moore.

Meanwhile, Georgia doesn't have A.J Green anymore and their running backs are dropping like flies. Boise wins this one big, even in Atlanta. Take it to the bank.

Bet size: 5 Lundys

#3 Oregon vs #4 LSU (+4.5), 7 PM, ABC

LSU has some serious issues at quarterback. Jordan Jefferson is suspended for his role in a bar fight, and Jarrett Lee throws pick sixes like Ricky Stanzi circa 2009. In the immortal words of Dexter Holland, one got wasted and the other's a waste.

That said, the game is in Dallas and will be packed with LSU fans, and LSU's defense is elite and should be able to slow down Chip Kelly's vaunted spread. Plus, I've learned the hard way never to bet against Les Miles' luckbox. LSU likely wins on some fluke Hail Mary.

Bet size: 2 Lundys

Tulsa at #1 Oklahoma (-24.5), 7 PM, FX

I've got nothing to say about this blowout, but instead want to rant about Oklahoma basketball, specifically the coaches in their recent alumni game:

Two of [current coach Lon] Kruger's predecessors, Kelvin Sampson and Dave Bliss, served as opposing coaches in a game that had to be decided in sudden-death overtime.

Sudden death, that's an interesting turn of phrase. We are talking about the same Dave Bliss who, after one of his players at Baylor was found murdered, lied to the cops and said the player was a drug dealer in an attempt to explain the cash found at the player's apartment, cash Bliss had given him.

If I ran a college, or any kind of school, I'd ban Bliss from the premises and want to shoot him on sight, yet Kruger let the man into a school-sponsored event? This more than anything shows the old boys network in college coaching; there's pretty much nothing you can do to be blackballed. In fact, I'd bet the only reason Bliss doesn't have a big time job right now is his Baylor teams sucked; if he'd had them contending for Big 12 titles then someone would have hired the piece of shit despite his background. Betting Tulsa purely for karma reasons.

Bet size: 1 Lundy

Sunday

SMU at #8 Texas A&M (-15.5), 6:30 PM, FSN

Wait, the pooooor Agggies are number eight in the country? Male cheerleader, please. Pony Express, baby.

Bet size: 2 Lundys

Monday

Miami (FL) at Maryland (-3.5), 7 PM, ESPN

The U has a zillion guys suspended after the latest NCAA bombshell, so they're underdogs to Edsall-led Maryland. This pick seems almost too good to be true, but with all the controversy Miami probably won't be focused. Fear the Turtle!

Bet size: 2 Lundys

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