Boy, it feels crappy poking fun at the names of Army cadets - you know, the guys who voluntarily choose to serve my country while I sit here at my laptop - but, well, it would be wrong to do otherwise, right?
Last week wasn't exactly fair, as DJ Bland - BOUT TO GET THE CLUB BUMPIN BY PLAYING SOME JAMES TAYLOR YO - ran Kain on the field, erupting with 53 of 112 votes, with moderate competition from Fedney Delphonse and Gordy Kickels.
The rest are after the jump.
No. 21, Waverly Washington: I'm not one to make fun of people for having names that sound like guys who signed the Declaration of Independence, but this dude signed the Declaration of Independence.
Waverly is a junior defensive back who started against NIU, but didn't record any stats against SDSU.
No. 19, Kyler Martin: I'm going to name my first-born son "Kyle", my second-born son "Kyler", and my third-born son "Kylest". If I have a girl, she will be named "Not that Kyle at all."
Kyler the Creator is a reserve defensive back, but has also seen time at linebacker and wide receiver for the Black Knights.
No. 84, Chevaughn Lawrence: This is a next-level evolved name - while some names, let's say, Lemarcus/Demarcus/Jamarcus are additions on regular names, Chevaughn is an addition on "Vaughn", which is only a name for fat first basemen and their cousins, Greg. Although many think that Che Guevara's birth name was "Ernesto", it was actually "Chevaughn".
Chevaughn is a true freshman wide receiver who has hauled in one of Army's nine pass receptions on the year, tying him for second on the team.
No. 69, Broghan Carnes: I'm sure Broghan is actually an Irish name with a lot of history. But I like picturing him being named Logan but one day someone called him "BROGHAN" you know, because he's a bro, and he decided to get it legally changed.
Broghan is a senior defensive tackle. He missed all of last season with an injury, but luckily is healthy again and back on the field. He hasn't recorded any stats yet on the year, however.
No. 59, Chad Littlejohn: OKAYYYYYYYYY
/steals from rich, gives to poor
/plays football for Army
The smallest of Johns is a senior linebacker who started seven games last year, but didn't start Army's first matchup and got a DNP against SDSU - not sure if he's hurt or what.
Vote or die!