Congratulations to Augustine Pupungatoa for taking Minnesota's decent name competition this week! He very well might have the longest non-hyphenated name of a winner in NOTW history, but quite frankly nobody cares and I don't have the heart or desire to check. 19 letters is decent.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, onto Nebraska! Them Huskin' fools are pretty boring: I can't recall seeing a roster with as many non-descript names, or people sharing last names without being brothers. Seriously, they have a Chris Long and a Jake Long, without even planning on having a mockup of that one NFL draft a few years ago, plus another Long, three Cottons, two Osbornes (neither related to tom) two Ridders, two Roses, and three Williamses, two Andersons, two Bells, two Evanses, three Jacksons, and two Fosters, and none of them are related. NU has a buncha Joneses and three Williamses, but, coddamn! Conclusion: there are only 37 last names in Nebraska.
Onto the good names, which are few and far between. Runners up include incomplete sentences Braylon Heard and Will Sailors - Will Sailors do what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? - Murat Kuzu, Jack Gangwish - incidentally, my gang's wish is for anguish - and Jared Afalava
No. 82, Tyler Wullenwaber: Wub-wub-wub-wub-WEEEEEEEEB-waaaaaaaaaab-wub-wub-wub-wullen-wab-wab-WEEBWABwabwabweeeb-wab - dubstep lyrics
Tyler Wullenwaber is a walk-on wide receiver with which where what who why when. He has two catches for 13 yards on the year.
No. 99, Jay Guy: Very close to the shortest name possible, Jay Guy should be a finalist for the Ray Guy trophy every year, even though he's a defensive tackle and not a punter.
Jay's a sophomore defensive tackle who ain't played yet this year.
No. 8, Zaire Anderson: "Actually, please call me Democratic Republic of the Congo Anderson." One of my favorites behind Oakland Raiders running back Chinese Taipei Jones.
Zaire is a juco transfer who has played in three games with a start, registering four tackles.
No. 76, Brent Qvale: AUTO Q FOLLOWED BY A CONSONANT NOMINATION
As noted last year, they keep sayin K-vail but it's pronounced Qual-ay!
No. 17, Ryker Fyfe: There's no I in team, and there's no I in Ryker Fyfe, and there's also no normal names in "Ryker Fyfe", just the misspelled name of the prison island in New York and the misspelled name of a revolutionary-era marching band instrument.
Fyfe is a backup QB who is a freshman and ain't nowhere near playin.